there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
