my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
