So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
