I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
