I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
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Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
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He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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