The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
