So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
