Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
