Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
