I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
home. puking in laundry basket.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Who died my cat blue again?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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