you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think im going to throw up on grandma
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I love having hate sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
