Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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