When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
