Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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