True but thats because hes a fetus.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
