you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
