I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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