Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
