I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
