Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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