I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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