i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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