ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
