I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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