He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
