he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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