I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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