She said her name was "party"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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