he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
