its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
