Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
