im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I touched a dick in church today
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
