she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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