I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
