Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
