Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
