in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
