she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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