And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
