is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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