on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
