i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
