i think my mom watched the whole time
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
