he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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