I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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