you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
