i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
