Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize