he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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