his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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