This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
