you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
third nipple confirmed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
