Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
