shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
