oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
