I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize