He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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