he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
