How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty