Where is the hickey?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"