i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.