The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?