Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  did you hook up austin?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed

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  (269): did you hook up austin? (248): No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed http://tfl.nu/3mnz
  Replies (5) Good night (730) Bad night (1341)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.

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  (443): Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her. http://tfl.nu/u8d4
  Replies (3) Good night (1464) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.

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  (785): Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend. http://tfl.nu/tpw6
  Replies (26) Good night (608) Bad night (5428)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.

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  (716): Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time. http://tfl.nu/ytyv
  Replies (79) Good night (7264) Bad night (1282)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.

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  (508): i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip. http://tfl.nu/di6e
  Replies (10) Good night (3299) Bad night (1487) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks

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  (785): i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks http://tfl.nu/ebeq
  Replies (64) Good night (1024) Bad night (5581) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.

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  (727): I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible. http://tfl.nu/n38l
  Replies (30) Good night (637) Bad night (6387) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night

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  (724): I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night http://tfl.nu/leh0
  Replies (6) Good night (4622) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.

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  (978): If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises. http://tfl.nu/xzxa
  Replies (8) Good night (3964) Bad night (1318) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.

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  (613): I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked. http://tfl.nu/z7yx
  Replies (11) Good night (6906) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
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  (940): View more from Texas

  it's like heaven, but drunker

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  (940): it's like heaven, but drunker http://tfl.nu/yzff
  Replies (3) Good night (2813) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.

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  (416): We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there. http://tfl.nu/uram
  Replies (2) Good night (1487) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Post-sex nachos deserve a song.

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  (817): Post-sex nachos deserve a song. http://tfl.nu/enl8
  Replies (8) Good night (1150) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.

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  (423): The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups. http://tfl.nu/v1g8
  Replies (1) Good night (2321) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you

  (1-240): View more from Maryland

  Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina

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  (240): Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you (1-240): Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina http://tfl.nu/ytzu
  Replies (8) Good night (1244) Bad night (110)

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