JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
