I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
