too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
