the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
