I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize