all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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