It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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