Betty ford says i'm here all night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
