I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
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I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
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I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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