im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
zippers are such a cool invention
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
