uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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