why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
where are you?
Hypothermia
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
