very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
