Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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