Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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