Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
