xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
