I hate your face
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
